The quiz questions (up to 42)
How long have you been together?
Separation risk statistically peaks between years four and eight.
- the very beginning
- the early bright spell
- the crossing (where many get tested)
- well settled
- deep roots
Right now, you are…
This lets us skip questions that don’t apply to you.
- Married or in a civil partnership
- Living together
- Together, separate homes
- Engaged, it’s in the works
Marriage, in your story?
No judgment — just so we know whether the budget question makes sense.
- We’re seriously considering it
- Not for us
- Undecided
- Been there, never again
Kids, in your world?
Select all that apply.
- None
- None, and that’s a choice
- Young kids (0–6)
- Older kids
- Grown and independent
- Kids from a previous union
- Blended family
And concretely, how is it set up?
This lets us skip co-parenting questions if that's not your setup.
- We raise children together
- Blended, under one roof
- Each our own kids, we don't interfere
- No kids in daily care
A serious union that already ended?
Remarriages divorce more — mainly via unprocessed patterns and blended-family complexity.
- No, this is our first long relationship
- Yes, a divorce
- Yes, a long cohabitation that ended
- Both of us
When you two argue, what does it look like?
In 15 minutes of arguing, Gottman predicts divorce with about 90% accuracy — a figure computed after the fact on the couples studied, widely cited and sometimes debated. Signal #1: contempt.
- We listen, it cools down
- We each cool off, then repair
- Eye-rolls, sarcasm
- Slammed door, days of silence
After an argument, making up…
Successful repair attempts separate stable couples better than the absence of conflict does.
- comes quickly, we know how to defuse
- takes a while but happens
- we move on without discussing it
- we both dig in, it drags
The overall vibe between you, day to day?
Stable couples keep ~5 positive moments per negative one.
- very warm
- pretty sweet
- lukewarm
- often tense
- at war
When you think of your partner, spontaneously…
The “fondness and admiration system” is one of the pillars of lasting couples.
- I admire them, I’m proud
- quiet affection
- not much, just habit
- mostly irritation
Do you still laugh together?
It's not having the same sense of humor that matters (that predicts nothing) — it's the laughter you create together: the in-jokes, the shared giggles.
- often — we have our in-jokes
- now and then
- rarely — things have gotten serious
- not really anymore, and I miss it
When a topic stings: who pushes, who pulls away?
The demand-withdraw cycle is one of the best-documented patterns of couple distress.
When your partner asks you to reconsider…
Refusing your partner’s influence predicts instability; accepting it is protective.
- I really listen, it shifts me
- sometimes, depending on the topic
- I usually hold my ground
- no one tells me what to do
The big decisions (money, where to live, plans): who decides?
Asymmetry itself isn’t the problem — asymmetry that isn’t mutually accepted is.
The daily load (chores, logistics, mental load) leans…
Perceived inequity predicts dissatisfaction far better than the objective split does.
Talking money together feels like…
Money fights predict divorce better than any other conflict topic.
- crystal clear
- calm
- tense
- explosive
- forbidden topic
Your intimate life, these days?
Sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction move together and predict each other over time.
- fulfilling, we’re in sync
- fine, no sparks
- on pause for a while
- a source of tension or silence
Desire, between you, leans…
It’s the gap in desire between partners — not absolute frequency — that’s linked to distress.
Talking about sex together is…
Sexual communication is the main mediator between intimate difficulties and satisfaction.
- we talk about it easily
- a bit awkward but doable
- we avoid the topic
- impossible to discuss
Jealousy, in your relationship, is…
Jealousy is a marital problem directly predictive of divorce.
- non-existent
- a rare spike
- we watch each other a bit
- frequent, it clashes
- overwhelming
Your social life as a couple?
A solid network protects. Divorce even “spreads” between friends.
- rich, friends galore
- a few loyal ones
- mostly just us two
- our friends are all splitting up
True for you?
It’s not the ordeal that weakens a couple — it’s weathering it separately.
- Hard knocks, we face them together
- In hard times, each of us withdraws
True for you?
It’s less the amount than the mismatch: couples whose drinking habits diverge split more than those who drink similarly.
- Substance use (alcohol, drugs, gambling) throws our couple off balance
Your core values — family, money, faith, culture…?
Unmanaged “perpetual problems” make up 69% of couple conflict.
- same base, aligned
- close, a few gaps
- two worlds, we juggle
- faith/culture topics avoided
- opposing values
Your shared vision of the future is…
Couples who “decide” their future hold better than those who “slide” into it.
- same course, clearly
- broadly aligned
- never really discussed
- opposite visions
Work-wise, where are you two right now?
Prolonged unemployment is a recognized factor — via financial stress and self-esteem.
- both employed, running smooth
- one at home, chosen and owned
- one of us is job-hunting
- long unemployment, rising tension
You picture a future together…
Perceived commitment is one of the most robust predictors of stability.
- clearly, it’s decided
- yes, without thinking it through
- we’ll see, day by day
- I’m seriously questioning it
How old were you when things got serious?
The 28–32 window is established on FIRST unions — which is why we only ask this here.
- very young
- young
- the sweet spot
- later
True for you?
What stays unspoken tends to replay; what’s said gets defused.
- We’ve really talked about what ended the previous union
- I sometimes see the same patterns as before
Your wedding budget — or your biggest couple celebration?
Cult study: weddings over 20,000 divorce MORE than those under 1,000.
- under 1,000
- a few thousand
- ~10,000
- 20,000+
- no limit
On raising and organizing the kids, you are…
It’s the parenting alliance, more than having kids, that protects or weakens.
- a real team
- agreed on the essentials
- often in disagreement
- each our own way, it clashes
Since the kids arrived, your couple…
Satisfaction dips on average when kids arrive, then rebounds. It’s a phase, not a flaw.
- has found its rhythm
- holds up, but we’re wrecked
- has taken a back seat
- never gets time alone anymore
True for you?
Blended-family complexity is the #1 factor in fragile remarriages.
- Everyone’s role with the kids is clear and accepted
- The blended family is a recurring source of tension
- The relationship with the ex complicates things
Your two parenting lives (each your own) coexist…
For two-household couples, the key factor isn't parenting but custody logistics and the couple time left over.
- frictionless, we've found our rhythm
- we juggle, but it's fine
- little couple time between custody periods
- one's kids strain the relationship
The kids question between you?
Disagreement about kids is among the hardest to reconcile — there’s no middle ground.
- same position, settled
- we’re talking, it’s progressing
- we avoid the topic
- one wants them, the other doesn’t
Living apart, for you, is…
Evidence still limited: what matters seems to be whether it’s a shared choice.
- a choice that suits us well
- practical for now
- a growing frustration
- a point of disagreement
What’s the biggest snag with money?
We dig in, because the fix differs by cause.
- transparency (we don’t know everything)
- priorities (we want different things)
- the income imbalance
- debt or the unexpected
What weighs most on your intimate life?
Deliberately general — we’re not after any detail.
- tiredness and lack of time
- we can’t talk about it
- very different wants
- distance or resentment
The jealousy comes mostly from…
The source completely changes which lever helps.
- a past betrayal
- low self-confidence
- current behaviour that worries me
- social media and phones
Where do the gaps widen?
Select all that apply. Risk is the average of the gaps you select.
- faith / religion
- culture or language
- the role of family
- politics
- attitude to money
- lifestyle rhythm
Where do your visions diverge?
Select all that apply. This is where the forecast gets useful.
- where to live
- kids
- money / lifestyle
- career / mobility
- the rhythm (going out / staying in)
- caring for parents
- nothing precise, just fuzzy
During escalation, what happens most?
We pin down the exact pattern, because each has its own antidote.
- we raise our voices, everything comes out
- one of us shuts down completely
- we drag up old grievances
- someone leaves the room or the house